Disoriented

My mom's relatives from California always send us a box of treasures for Christmas every year. It is always...interesting. And slightly outrageous.

"I always feel so confused after getting these boxes. Just, confused. You know how people always talk about confusion about their gender, and their sexual orientation? Well, that's how I feel each time we're done opening one of these."

Hysterical laughter. No more words needed.

Wrapping Writing

So, in my family we have a tradition of reading out loud whatever is written on the wrapping paper of each gift that we have. It has gotten pretty creative over the years, but the best thing is when it is unintentionally...creative. We'll just stick with that word.

My brother starts reading out loud the words on a package from my mother:

"To Caleb"
"Go ahead, shake it all you want!"
"Could help you keep your cool."
"Might be helpful if you really suck!"

At this point Mikayla loudly interjects,

"It's a condom!!!"

Laughter ensues.

Continue reading:

"You'll never guess unless...I tell you it may be handy when you're playing around!"
"It could be slippery when wet."
"To my not-so-baby baby boy."

And still more hysterical laughter.

Turns out, the gift was a water bottle. Don't think about it too hard.

And Mikayla - learn to have a filter, chica!!!! :)

Christmas Present

Mikayla:  I know what I'm getting you for Christmas, I just don't know where to get it.
Me:  Look online and see where it is cheapest.
Mikayla:  I don't want just to get the cheapest one, because it might be a little creepy!  Does that give you any hints?
Me:  Noooo.
Mikayla:  It's not a man whore, I promise!
Me: (dying laughing) Oh good, because a nice one could be good, but I could see how a cheap one could be creepy!

Quirky Old PeoPle

Alisha - I like quirky old people, they make me happy!

Burnt

Mom: My butt is burnt!!
Me: Squealing (to Gianna). Then: Yeah, you like that, don't you??
Mom: That my butt is burnt? No, I don't like that!!!

Awkward turtle moment. :)

Mirror

Mom holding Gianna in front of the mirror in the bathroom:

"Oh, we could freak you out by having you two mommies!! Or we could really confuse you with four boobies!!"

Medication Ads

Watching ads on T.V. for various medications:

Mom says, "Yeah - if you kill yourself, call us!"

Invisible

Alisha is completely under her blanket...

Me:  Are you invisible now?

Alisha:  I wish!  If I was I would carry my blanket everywhere.

Me:  Me too, me too.

Popovers

My comment as Gianna is nursing...

Wow...Your boob looks like the top of a popover! 

Awkward, I know. :)

Niceties

Niceties.  Not a very nice word, if you really think about it...